Hot Liquid / 18 November 1997
[A car is parked somewhere. APRIL is behind the wheel. JUNE is crawling into the passenger seat with two cups of coffee.]
JUNE: Triple sugar, triple cream.
APRIL: [firing up the engine] That’s me. Hand it over.
JUNE: Don’t hold it with your crotch. It’s seriously hot.
APRIL: I used to have a little cup-holder in here but it got stolen.
JUNE: Those bastards.
APRIL: [driving] My tapes, my Club, my maps. The spare change. The cup-holder. And they left a tuna sandwich in the glove compartment.
JUNE: Was that like a present or like—
APRIL: Like a final slap in the face, is what. Total disdain for my property. The maps were for Iowa, too. What the hell would they want those for?
JUNE: There’s quite a bustling black market—
APRIL: Jesus Christ this coffee’s hot.
JUNE: Drink it. You’re spilling.
APRIL: This stuff is like molten lava.
JUNE: I’ve heard scalding liquid is good for your intestines.
[they both snicker a little at this]
JUNE: Can you drop me off at the bank?
APRIL: We’ve got that meeting thing, June.
JUNE: Good Christ. You know you’ve got it all wrapped up.
APRIL: Shut up.
JUNE: April. The fellowship’s yours. I have it on good authority.
APRIL: Says who.
JUNE: Well remember that cocktail party thingie at Simon’s?
APRIL: Was that the one with the ice sculpture or the one with the like ten million losers?
JUNE: Yes. So Simon’s in the hedges with basically the whole Sociology Department—
APRIL: That should make for some interesting papers.
JUNE: …and Betsy’s massaging her martini into Dylan’s chest hair, et cetera, right.
APRIL: And if I remember right I’m drinking pickle juice straight out of the jar.
JUNE: One of those crazy ole nights.
APRIL: And Michelle’s got pocketwatches hanging from her pierced nipples.
[more mild laughter]
JUNE: Please stop. So anyway with the heads out of commission that leaves Mark P. to blab and pretend like he’s in charge.
APRIL: I am not hearing that Mark P. is your good authority on this, Junie.
JUNE: Mark P.’s on the inside track.
APRIL: Mark P.’s a total toadie. He’s a subhuman life form and the heads throw him misinformation to keep him happy.
JUNE: April, this is all one-hundred percent—
APRIL: He has a prehensile tongue. He has translucent skin. He only recently evolved into a multicellular organism.
JUNE: He saw the papers. With his beady, bulging, gross, nasty, buggy eyes. He saw your name up top. You’re the one.
APRIL: Junie, that’s crazy. God this coffee tastes like piss. Besides, you’re the one who’s in like flynn with the Professor. He’s in love with you.
JUNE: That may be.
APRIL: And your presentation got like a serious standing O.
JUNE: That may be, too. But the fact remains that you’re getting the fellowship.
APRIL: Did Mark P. really say that?
JUNE: That’s what he said and I believe him.
APRIL: Wow. Wow. I wonder… What if he’s serious? What if I really got it?
JUNE: Then you’re set baby.
APRIL: I am. I’d be set.
JUNE: Don’t you want to say something like, Well, June, it was really tough competing against my best friend … something-something…
APRIL: June, we went over that. We had our little agreement.
JUNE: I know it. Never mind.
APRIL: God. I feel all twisted up. God. I thought for sure they’d go with that horrible woman whose name we won’t say aloud.
JUNE: She’s a clumsy plagiarist. It was down between you and me, you know that. You look sweaty.
APRIL: I’m all shaky.
JUNE: It’s an exciting time.
APRIL: I’m having trouble … focusing.
JUNE: April? Maybe you should pull over.
APRIL: God. God.
JUNE: Don’t wreck us, baby. Pull over.
APRIL: I really don’t want to puke right now.
[she pulls the car over, moaning]
APRIL: [slumping against window, laughing feebly] That’s the last time I let you get the coffee.
[she shudders and dies]
JUNE: You got that right.